Welcome!

Hi all.

This is my Dark Training blog.

It is 18+, so be aware as you scroll through the categories. Everything is organized to the right. Also, play some music to set the mood.

Enjoy.

Journal Entry

I thought I would begin again by revisiting the discussion questions overlooked in my last foray into the Resource Assignments. I’ll begin with “What led you to the Sith Way, and how is Darkness relevant to you?”

First, I would again be remiss if I said I was a Sith in any shape or form. It carries with it a connotation of “evil” that I find distasteful. While that connotation is shortsighted and not accurate, it is still something I will stay away from. I find it much more homey to consider myself a Dark Jedi, or a Jedi who focuses on inner darkness to bring out strength. Second, I was led to this path through a series of experiences I will detail for you. When I was a young man, I found distaste for my Christian upbringing. Mostly, I saw the hypocrisy in my family and in my church. I saw that people were just using the faith as a way to deceive themselves and others. I found no such usefulness in self-deception. I thought that God must have hated me because I did not buy into his lies. I refused to be subservient to him any longer. (As I was a teen, I was also prone to asking for things rather than taking them. I continually begged for “superpowers”, and of course, I would never receive them). I decided to declare God my enemy, and I refused to follow him. I still remember that night when it happened. I remember, quite poetically, the feeling of coldness that came with that declaration. There was an isolation that I was just uncomfortable with, but that also empowered me. I began my search for something that would give me power. Eventually, I found it. After muddling through Buddhism unsuccessfully, trying Paganism, and hating everything I came across… I saw episode 2 of Star Wars. I began to put together all of my experiences, and I felt a lot of reverence for Palpatine.

I saw him as a paragon of influence and power. I admired his totality of domination, and this led me to search out people who would emulate him. I remembered that Sithism was a religion, as stated in Episode 4. This knowledge propelled me into the Yahoo groups of the early Sithism/Sith Realism days. I would remain there as Darth Plagueis for a while. Eventually, I left to become a Jedi when I had visions of killing my friends and family. Regardless of your belief in spiritual abilities, I had experiences that I could not explain. At the time, I would have called them energies and powers. I could easily tell the number of fingers somebody held behind their back. Always accurate. I could enhance my physical abilities, lifting weights unsafe for my size at the time. I had a power that went beyond simple ability. My training in the Dark Side led me to do things I never would have done as an uninitiated. But, it came with a price. I suffered. A lot. My life was marred by dark and selfish thought. I wanted to rid myself of the thought of hurting those I loved. What I didn’t realize was that these thoughts were not “dark” thoughts.. they were a product of my own ignorance of the true Darkness within me. Looking back, it made no sense to think killing my family would be fun. That was just the part of me that’s insane. That part, though, I identified as evil and dark. So, I locked it away under a different persona named Riddle. Riddle would emerge every now and then, leading me to hurt people I cared about. This insane part of me I felt so uncomfortable with that I was shamed by him. When I went to college, I began to explore again what Riddle meant to me. This led me to study darkness at the Force Academy and here, eventually. Also, at Daoine Sith. These were in vain. I had so far separated myself from my true Darkness that my life was a mess.

It’s no wonder either. I had literally forced myself into a kind of split personality. I separated myself from anything that was risky, worth doing, all in the name of being a “good” and “nice” guy.

I am still working on the fallout from that decision. I do not regret it. It was necessary at the time to protect me from doing something stupid. I feel as though I went in way over my head too young, and I got burned. Now, I want to rekindle that fire and truly delve into the training I know will help me reach the next level.

I am here because I felt like the time was right to leave my cocoon of “safe”ty and move back into a life of risk-taking and unfathomable passion.

Now… I just have to find out what it is I like to do.

 

Passions list

1. Eating healthful

2. Working out.

3. Creating money/wealth.

4. Figuring out what I want to do with my life.

Simple as that.

The First List of Passions

The List of Passions:

 

1. Music.
2. Family. – Loyalty.
3. Strength.
4. Jedi-Sith-Force Realist.
5. Internet.
6. Passion.
7. Women.
8. Food.
9. Theater.

10. Sleep – Laziness.

11. Reading.

12. Business (administrative and political work).

13. Weight Lifting.

14. Duty.  – Compassion.

15. Adrenaline.

16. Sexual things.

17. Studying.

18. Academics.

19. Relaxation.

20. Walks

Source: http://oxane.tumblr.com/post/48140989188/tracey-emin-exorcism-of-the-last-painting-i-ever

Source: http://actegratuit.tumblr.com/post/48140927430/valerie-hegarty-george-washington-melted-4-2011

Source: http://kittenvoodoo.tumblr.com/post/48142892188/2dicon-on-twitpic

Yami Doko, Day 9/30

Yami Doko, Passion, Day 9/30

So, singing went very well today. We had a great rehearsal for the Verdi Requiem. I did some scheduling for tomorrow’s rehearsal (the opera I’m performing next week). I keep putting off memorizing the last piece for my recital next week. I loathe memorizing. Just one of those things one “has” to do.

Food has gone spectacularly as well! I had a protein shake for breakfast. A gallon of water. A sandwich and another sandwich. I did have a bit of ice cream… but it was for a student government program and I felt bad because I told them to buy a lot and there wasn’t very many people who attended. I should remember to not project my desire for ice cream on to my student government friends. 😉

On Nature

“Nature doesn’t recognize good and evil. It only recognizes balance and imbalance.”I do not think Nature has a conscious mind, and trying to make it conform to human understanding is a waste of time. Though, the metaphorical understanding that Nature could have a collective “conscious” is something that can be applied if we care about Nature. In other words… if we want to think of Nature as a person on whom we depend, then it would make sense to think about what Nature “thinks” of us. We do depend on nature to survive. Technology come from natural elements, and really anything that exists is natural. Nothing is “synthetic” even if it is man-made. Now, things can be anti-Nature. And, I would suggest that Nature would recognize this as bad. But, not everything that seems negative at first is actually negative. Like… when brush fires start in the woods to help clear the way for more plant life. In the end, I think if Nature had a conscious mind, it would recognize only change and the inevitability of new life and death. Can we upset this? Not exactly… we can prevent births by killing off enough of one species of bird until they’re extinct. But, this only shows that death comes to all things. Morality is only sustainable when it is convenient to our causes. That being said, I like birds… I think they make cool noises and look pretty. So, from a primal perspective, I feel no desire to destroy them. If I needed bird meet for food, then I’m sure that need would outweigh any part of me that wants to listen to the chirping. If my want for the chirping outweighed the desire for food, then I might starve. While that’s still balanced, it’s pretty stupid on my part. Humans are designed to stay alive for as long as we can. Funny, though. That’s not necessarily true. haha. Humans exist because we reproduced well and adapted well. (I’m sorry if that’s not accurate… I think I learned it that way in high school but it might be much more complicated than that. Dealing with change with tools, and developing standard places of living for agriculture and such… all that jazz. Sorry if I oversimplified it) But, we don’t need to live for 100 years. We really don’t even need to exist as much as we do. We are not in any danger of extinction… So, reproduction isn’t a need anymore. Now, we’ve moved on to getting food. Then, shelter. Then, comfort. Every single person on this forum is at the comfort level, or else they would do something better with their time. On to the Human need for destruction. When we are young’ins, you ever realize that you like to experiment with creation and destruction? It’s in our instincts to want to give birth to new life. Our little girls have a feminine gene that triggers their maternal instinct. BOOM. Baby doll. Why, then, do we go to so many lengths to destroy the nature around us? We burn down rain forests to make way for capitalistic factories and real estate. We kill off species of rhino for SPORT. We have no regard for the so-called balance of Nature. I wonder, then, if there is no such thing as the balance of Nature, and rather that WE as a collective decide what the balance of Nature is. So… when we claim nuclear war and destroy the planet, exterminating most of life… that’s still in the balance of Nature because we’re part of it. Destruction is a PART of Nature. Growth and Dying are not a dichotomy either. They are part of the same process. When you are growing, you are already dying. Just a circle in the end. *sigh* I seem to have ranted on long enough. Basically, the spark notes edition is: Nature cannot decide anything, and we are completely engrossed in what “Nature” thinks… but in the end, we have just as much a say as everything else. If we choose to destroy the planet, that’s our choice to make since we’re the dominant species and can make the technology to do such. I, personally, think balance is about preserving the integrity of Nature and allowing it to change without too much heavy-handedness from us. Why? There’s no good reason I can think of, other than I don’t feel like we’re entitled to make such decisions even though we probably are.

Source: http://iamawinrar.tumblr.com/post/47838802748

Source: http://fuck-reality-i-want-my-fairytale.tumblr.com/post/48077026996